diamondlife: (Join us - allqueericons)
Dear brain - nice time to spring this on me! I've not had a panic attack for, like, a year or more now (no, I moved onto the more subtle generalised anxiety, but even that's not been bad for a long time now). So why, then, did I wake up at about 2.30 this morning feeling like I was going to die? -_- Then when I eventually went back to sleep, I had nightmares (which I'm sure Ryo was involved in somehow, though I don't know how because I remember the dream and I don't remember him being there; but nevertheless, I feel sure he was involved!). The scary part is, there's no discernable reason - I've been incredibly cheerful and upbeat recently - in fact, some might say, annoyingly so! I've so many things I'm excited about! Why, then? That's the scariest part. I can't find a reason, so I always think "Is this really it, this time? Is my brain finally really going?"

That and, the last time my brain felt this wrong, I was very ill straight afterwards. -_- That's not something I ever want to happen again. Though I guess I felt bad in a different way, that time.

Especially, why did this have to happen when I'm going away next week? >:E
diamondlife: (I need you - psychodragon82)
I feel afraid of everything today. ;_; I don't quite know what to do! I could go to the gym, or go recycling, or fill in my uni application form, but I just feel kind of wobbly and scattered. o.o

Better do something, though. ^^'

We went to see Letters from Iwo Jima yesterday. It was a great film, actually, it had a lot of impact - I found it more moving than any other war film I've seen, I think. Very well-done. Though I could've done with less gore. x_o I bet Nino was glad to get back to dancing on rainbows and being a mannequin. [livejournal.com profile] zalia said she'd seen Arashi mentioned in The Guardian last week, in the context of Nino being in them and also being in an internationally-acclaimed film; it does amuse me to think of anyone with any kind of serious interest in film looking him up and seeing, for example, this. I also always think of MatsuJun as an actor first, and forget he's in Arashi too. It also always disturbs me to remember he's also 2 years younger than me. He's been around, like, forever! I've wasted my life! XD
diamondlife: (One of those days - mojotmonkey)
I dreamt I was there! Dreamt I'd made it across the Atlantic and I didn't even remember the flight! I was wondering whether it was a dream, but I bit my hand to show it wasn't and everything. Though I really should've suspected when I appeared to be in my mother's kitchen. -_-

I'm looking forward to America so damn much, but the fear doesn't stay at bay for long. x_o

Maybe laptop shopping will help me feel better. :3

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